He had bought a case of half-bottles of Smirnoff vodka from the cash and carry and found that one of the bottles, though accurately sealed, was empty.
He looked at the Diageo ads in both Convenience Store and our sister paper Off Licence News and the only address he could find was for head office in Ireland, so he packed up the bottle in a jiffy bag and sent it off. Ireland responded by saying they only deal with consumer complaints. He was given the number of the trade department, but they couldn't help, either. "I was given customer services and left a message, but no one called. Then Ireland called again saying, 'What do you want us to do with this bottle?'"
I spoke to Diageo and it was quickly sorted and he got a full-sized, full-up bottle to replace the empty half-bottle. I agree with Jag, though, that it is funny that Diageo is everywhere, yet out of reach.