If you want a laugh then Google the lyricist Barrie Roberts, who wrote 'The knock-on-the-door-in-the-night squad'. Marion Lowe, from Swanbourne Stores, alerted me to it after she read my bit on officialdom's statutory rights to enter premises. It was written in the seventies when people were far less precious about political correctness.

It goes, in part, (after that dreaded knock on the door): There were policemen, there were bailiffs and the gas and electric, too / The Department of Health, the Post Office and Inland Revenue / And the customs and the Council and a thousand more beside / And they chanted all in unison, "Do you mind if we step inside?"

It is to be recited to the tune of 'The end of my old cigar' by music hall star Harry Champion, who wrote 'I'm Henery the Eighth I am' and 'Boiled beef and carrots'. Yep, they don't write 'em like that anymore.